I’m going to preface this post and say that I am too hard on myself. Â Anyone else have this problem? Â In my head, I justify my self- critical nature by telling myself it helps me become better (which I believe is partially true). Â I’ve decided that I need to become less critical however, because often it hinders my authentic enjoyment of something for what it is, experiences included. Â And not to say that I amÂ always too critical because I can definitely feel good about a job well done, but then again, my idea of this might differ from someone else. Â One might wonder what this has to do with my 52 Wednesdays post this week, but it relates to my recent shooting experience.
On Monday evening, I set out at 12:00am with my Omni-heat jacket, fingerless gloves, camera, and a borrowed tripod to experience the city purely as a documentarian. Â To my surprise, Portland is not a very happening place at around 12am on a Monday evening and it seemed much more like 2 or 3am instead. Â I had a list of places in my head where I wanted to try a few things out, but the more I moved around the less safe I felt. Â Really, I’ve never had a safety problem in Portland and even late, late at night when I lived downtown and frequently walked about. Â But when a normally very busy part of town seems so dead and the sporadic passers-by were rough vagrant types, all 115 lbs. of me felt uneasy with $3500 hanging around my neck. Â Downtown Portland was eerily quiet. Â Only a few cars parked on the streets here and there, just me, the sound of my steps, and the clicks from my camera. Â What would normally be a relished moment for how peaceful, surreal and dreamy it was, seemed squashed by my anxious nerves. Â So I left and went to a different part of town which I thought would be busier. Â And it was a little, but not much. Â What bothered me at the time was that I felt the strongest desire to capture images thatÂ mattered. Â I wanted to take photos of Portland at night in a way only the dodgy, night crowd experiences it. Â Sleeping homeless under a church entrance, the dancing lights of the marquee to a strip club, portraits of the street youth with no place to go–these are the things I had envisioned. Â But I was too scared. Â Part of me thinks that it was smart to play it safe, but then there is another side that echos in my head, “Failed.” Â Someday I would still like to attempt my vision, but next time I’ll bring a strong handsome bodyguard with me. =)
So this is what I created instead. Â A small sample of a the hipster neighborhood, Hawthorne… at night. Â And though they are not what I was after, I do like them quite a bit.
Next in the circle is a woman who amazes me with her night photography and I can’t wait to see what she’s created this week. Â Pamela Joye from Salem, MAÂ http://www.pamelajoye.com/fine-art/?p=2777